The holidays are not always jolly - and that's okay.
This blog post is a bit delayed since its the end of January and I am talking about the holidays …. but hey! You might still get something out of this so I’m going to post upload the blog onto here anyways!
So the big question last month was Why do we get anxious around the holidays?
1) Expectations. We have been sold this concept that the holiday season is a period of cheer, happiness, and love. This messaging is in songs, movies, shows, and advertisements
The reality is, this expectation is not realistic.It is not realistic for us to expect people to be happy all throughout the holiday season. So if you aren’t feeling 100% throughout the holiday seasons, you may begin to feel bad about feeling bad.
2) It's also unrealistic for us to assume that people always have loved ones to spend the holiday season with. Some people are alone, and others do not feel safe or loved with the people they are around. For instance, if you spend time with people who violate your boundaries (e.g., make unsolicited comments, guilt trip you, demand your energy and time, gossiping about someone else you care about), these situations can be anxiety provoking to anticipate and navigate.
3) The holiday season also tends to be quite social. There can be family gatherings, work parties, and social events with friends. This can be emotionally taxing for someone who is socially anxious or gets overwhelmed with social interactions. Many people describe social gatherings as “having to be on” all the time. They are constantly trying to figure out how others perceive them, whether they are doing anything wrong, and how to leave the gathering without making it awkward. It may even be difficult for people to turn down invitations to events.
What are some common triggers?
SOCIAL MEDIA: Social media is not reality, but our brains tend to forget this. Sometimes, it seems like everyone is having the best holiday season of their life, while you’re sitting at home feeling bad about feeling bad. Social media is curated. People showcase the highlights of their lives, not their behind the scenes footage.
GIFT EXCHANGE: Speaking of expectations, most people exchange gifts. The financial burden of purchasing gifts can be a source of anxiety for many people. In addition to that, you may worry about whether or not the person is going to even like your gift.
SEEING FAMILY MEMBERS: Families are more likely to pull you back into dysfunctional patterns of interactions, and more likely to trigger your inner wounds. Why? Because these are the people who you were surrounded by when your brain was learning and growing. For example, if you were made to feel unworthy and unloved because you were criticized all the time, then one ambiguous comment by a parent may trigger the assumption that they are criticizing you, which then quickly triggers anger and sadness. As another example, let’s say your parents tried to shape you into what they wanted you to be by dictating what you could or could not do, and making evaluative comments about you all the time. So if a parent offers you some advice during conversation, especially if it is unsolicited, this may trigger you.
PAST MEMORIES: Our brains also create links between things. So if family members tend to make you feel a certain way, then your family may automatically bring up these uncomfortable feelings. Even if these feelings do not get automatically triggered, the feelings are primed and ready to go. Even the physical environment can be triggering because your brain has learned to connect your surroundings with these distressing feelings.
LACK OF CONTROL: Finally, many people who experience anxiety like to control things. They may control their routine, people, the tidiness of their home, and how much they eat. During the holiday season, our routines get disrupted. People may take time off, they travel, they spend time overnight in other places, and there are office and school closures. This disruption in routine can signal a lack of control to the brain, which then triggers feelings of anxiety.
What are some coping strategies?
Try to stick to parts of your routine you can control (e.g., working out even if you are visiting home, waking up at a consistent time).
Remind yourself that it is not realistic to be happy all the time and that everyone goes through highs and lows - even if you don’t see it.
Ask people for their wish list, discuss a budget during gift exchanges, pitch in on gifts, or choose to do a Secret Santa gift exchange so you don’t have to buy as many gifts.
Set boundaries with family and friends. Sit with yourself and figure out what your needs are and what topics you are comfortable or not comfortable talking about. Communicate these findings to anyone you feel comfortable enough to do so to get them on the same page. Then brainstorm and rehearse different ways to set boundaries so that when you need to set a boundary - you already know how to handle the situation.
You have to calm your body in order to calm your mind. Find ways to soothe your anxiety and release tension from your body. Helpful exercises can include deep breathing, practicing meditation, stretching, and yoga. Even stepping away for 5 minutes to listen to a guided meditation/deep breathing exercise can be enough to help calm your activated nervous system.
When you enter a new environment, scan the room and determine where you can go if you need some time to yourself. If you need a social break or anxiety break, head to this safe space.
Sometimes when things are feeling hectic, catastrophic, or gloomy, intentionally paying attention to things you are grateful for can help shift your perspective. When you wake up in the morning, name 3 things that would make the day great (this primes you to pay attention to these things throughout the day). In the evening, list 3 things that you feel grateful for.
Book of the month:
The @justgirlproject is an instagram account with a 1 million follower community! I've been following them for years because they post fun graphics, but also talk about self-care, relationships, and mental health. They've released a new book that is so EMPOWERING. Highly recommend!
Documentary of the month:
I'm swapping out the usual "Podcast of the Month" section to showcase this documentary. With the new year fast approaching, I know many people start to set new years resolutions. So why not set an intention to work on your mind.
This fascinating documentary talks about the power of our minds and how we can heal our own bodies. Many of the mental health challenges and trauma we carry with us end up showing up in our bodies as inflammation and chronic disease because stress is damaging to our bodies. But ... if the way we think can hurt our bodies, can it also heal our bodies? The answer is YES. Watch the documentary to learn more.
Monthly Journal Prompt
My best journaling is done after yoga or a meditation session because everything quiets down so I can hear my intuition and higher self. For this month's journal entry, let's focus on lessons you have learned from this past year. If you don't have time to journal or you're going to forget about this email after reading it - PAUSE - I invite you to do some self-reflection right now 🙏
When I think back on this year, I feel ...
I notice this feeling in this part of my body ....
This feeling is saying to me ....
What I take away from this realization is ...
A few lessons or themes I've learned this year are ...
Now that I have newfound wisdom, this is my intention for 2022 ...
If you find journaling hard - that's normal. Write freely without caring about the way it reads because after all, it's your own private words for you and you only.
Journaling can also provide you with many interesting insights about yourself, which is helpful because awareness is the first step towards healing.
And that's all from me for this month's newsletter. If you enjoyed the information in this newsletter today, visit me here on Instagram!
Thank you for showing up for yourself.
Love,
Amy Tran aka @doodledwellness
